GETTING TO THE ROOT OF WHATS UNDER THE ANGER
“ HOLDING ON TO ANGER IS LIKE A HOT COAL WITH THE INTENT OF THOWING IT AT SOMEONE ELSE: YOU ARE THE ONE GETTING BURNED” –BUDDHA
Anger lets face it , isn’t the most pleasant feeling to feel , its much more comfortable to exploded then to sit , feel , experience and explore what’s really got your blood boiling.
I have found its best to not act from an emotional place, but rather Take a beat , a breath, Excuse yourself and process before you react. As my teacher Michele Meiche once said,“ become conscious of the awareness before the then made manifest”. In doing this you just might find that someone or something triggered a wound in you that needs some healing and that in the end it had nothing to do with them. They or the situation showed up in your life as a gift and an opportunity for growth.
“ANY ONE WHO ANGERS YOU CONQUERS YOU “
Be come aware of the signs. The triggers he warnings right before the explosion. In doing this you will defuse the anger and get to the root of what is under it.
What are the triggers of Anger for you?
- EX:A feeling of someone did you wrong
- Not getting my way
What are the signs or warnings in your body?
- EX:A surge rising up with in
- My jaws start to clench
“FOR EVERY MINUTE YOU REMAIN ANGRY, YOU GIVE UP SIXY SECONDS OF PEACE OF MIND”- RALPH WALDO EMERSON
ANGER JOURNAL –
USE A BLACK BOOK –(BLACK ABORDS NEGATIVE ENERGY) …
When you feel the anger rising. Don’t keep it inside it will make you sick , eating you up inside and don’t put it on anyone as its yours not theirs.
1.Write about how angry you are- don’t hold back – let it rip !! This is for your eyes only. Get it out of your body and on paper
2. When you feel like you are done ask what’s really going on? What’s under this anger?
Am I sad? Hurt? Scared? Write now from this place.
3.With this newfound awareness you can explore further what this is really about? Connect in with the familiarity of when have I felt this before?
After doing your process and sitting with this You might find that now you don’t need to communicate with the person that caused you to FEEL angry because as you can see this was yours not theirs .
Anger is aggressive, fiery , hard and dark. People wont hear you when you come from a place of anger, they will shut down. When and if you do communicate and you Come from a deeper place of truth that lies under the anger you will be herd with compassion, understanding and love.
|“Anger is a great force. If you control it, it can be transmuted into a power which can move the whole world.”|
THINGS TO PONDER –
Who and what are you really angry at?
I have seen people get angry at others for not being the person they want them to be or being angry at the way their life is. We are all responsible for our choices. Everything you have today is the result of a choice you once made. When you look back at your life and see this it will take the anger off of others while allowing you to take responsibility for your part in it.
When you don’t except others for who they are you are basically saying that who they are is not ok . you are projecting your views and beliefs on to them of how you think they should be . A girlfriend of mine was dating this guy he was conservative , quiet , and a simple man . She would get angry when they would go out and he wouldn’t talk , she hated the way he dressed , she hated the way he lived and she kept trying into make him something he wasn’t . I told her to look it like this, a banana is a banana and an apple is an apple .you cant make a banana an apple , you either need to except him for the banana that he is or you need to go out there and find your self an apple . But to try to mold him into something that you want him to be is not fair .
I once knew this guy that everyone called angry Allen , he was constantly judging others and putting people down . One day he said something so mean and awful to me that I looked at him and said ,” wow I’m so sorry for you because if you are this judgmental and angry towards others I cant even imagine how hard you must be on yourself” . He just looked at me and was speechless . A few days later I got a call from him apologizing saying that he beats himself up constantly and really doesn’t like himself very much. By me saying that to him he realize that he was projecting his stuff onto others . When you can first accept yourself , the good , the bad and the ugly only then will you have full acceptance of others .
Do you get angry at others because they “ make you feel a certain way “? Like Eleanor Roosevelt says, “ Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent “. Again go back and journal and connect in with the wounded part of you . write about how angry you are , going right into the hurt and when or why you first felt this . Example – lets say you were at a dinner party talking about something and someone there made a comment that made you feel stupid , there is a wound that needs to be mended because no body can make you feel something that you aren’t already feeling inside .
Attachment to things going a certain way will cause pain and anger if they don’t measure up to the way we think it should be or look . Letting go of attachments , allowing thing to unfold , having acceptance and finding the gratitude of what is will defuse the anger and peace will take over . there is a quote I once herd it went something like this . “ If you want to make God laugh have a plan “.
This reminds me of when I prep woman for childbirth . I work with them on having a plan but not being attached to it . Just as life , birth is karmic , trusting all will unfold as it will . I have seem more woman go into major depression after childbirth because they were so attached to their plan . They say the way a woman approaches childbirth is the way she approaches life . When you can loosely have a plan but not be totally attached , it will leave room for the little surprises that will show up on the journey with out knocking you off the road. This is a great metaphor for life .
“THE ANGRY PEOPLE ARE THOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE MOST AFRAID”-DR ROBERT ANTHONY
|“When you are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.”|