“ Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they do not belong to you…” Kahlil Gibran
Children come into this world with their own soul and life path, we are simply here to love and guide them on their journey as well as support, nurture and help them find their own authentic way of expression and being.
When we have not made peace with our selves, our childhood and wounds we tend to project and try to fix what was done or not done to us through our own children. Don’t put your wounds onto your children it isn’t theirs to take on, it’s yours to be healed and cleared by you. This is expressed perfectly in Rabindranath’s quote, “Don’t limit a child to your own learning, for he was born in another time. “
We unconsciously repeat over and over , passing down through generation after generation the same story until one brave person from the tribe says , “ ENOUGH” I am going to do it different not only for me but for my children and the generations that follow. I am going to rip up my unhealthy roots and plant new ones that will create a healthy foundation to grow from.
We are at a crucial time, the state of the world is in crisis and it’s hands are in the future of our children. We must first heal our selves by becoming strong and solid in our own foundation. When we are not whole and grounded in our authentic selves we tend to look outside ourselves trying to fill the voids for what we lack from within. Once whole and complete we then can manifest and live from a place of truth instead of fear or lacking. No person, thing or child will ever be able to fix that wounded part of you … ONLY YOU CAN .
Healing oneself doesn’t happen over night, It takes time, patience, consistency and a yearning to grow, heal and be liberated from the unhealthy patterns from the past . Here are some things you can do to begin your healing process .
1-You must really want to change and grow – People will only change when they are really ready and truly want too. If there isn’t a deep desire to shift your energy and grow, all the therapy and self help books the world has to offer won’t work. I cant tell you how many people I have met that go to therapy or see healers because they think they should; but don’t listen, take advise or apply the tools they are given. So before you embark on this journey take the time to really reflect and ask yourself honestly, “ Am I open to healing, shifting, changing and growing?
2-Clean it up!! – As I said before our children come into this world with their own soul and life path, we are here to love, guide and nurture them on their journey. In doing this we must hold the space for our children to evolve by being the best leaders and role models we can be. I always ask my clients, what are the most important things you hope for your children? The top three responses are – Healthy, happy and to be loved. The next question I ask is, Are you a happy healthy and loved person? And are you living a happy and healthy life that is filled with love and self-love? If not then what steps can you take to have more of this in your life? Set the bar for your children to follow in by demonstrating what it is that you would like them to have in their life.
3-Therapy and Hypnotherapy – While in the healing phase of my life therapy helped me become aware of my basic issues as well as talk, process, understand and make sense of my past. Before you can truly heal you must first become aware of your past and be really honest with yourself about your wounds. After therapy there was still some un resolved energy I was carrying and living my life from. Hypnotherapy got me in touch with painful things that I had blocked out. I went even as far back into the womb and saw where the root of my major issues began.
4-Practice compassion and non judgment with your self while making changes – While making changes, often times we might find ourselves taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back into our old unhealthy ways of being. Change takes time, patients and consistency. It also is challenging to be in that uncomfortable place of the unknown. When the new way of being isn’t set in stone, we often go back to the unhealthy ways of operating from. Don’t self beat; this is part of the process!! You have been living from that familiar wounded place for a long time. I can promise you when you do go back it wont feel as good anymore. Once you make the changes you can never go fully back. If you find your self taking a step back, notice how it feels, see your growth and how far you have come then put your feet back on the ground and take two huge steps forward and don’t look back.
5.Healthy support like-minded people – The journey of self-healing can be a lonely road. This was a lifesaver for me when I was in my healing stage of my life. I had a core group of about 6 amazing friends going thru major healings as well, a few of them where further on their path then I was, I also had a trusted team of healers, yoga teachers and therapists supporting me. So go out there and gather your support team.
6-Inner child work – A must do for parents!! We all have inner children that live inside of us. It’s the repressed, shut down or wounded parts of us. Our inner children are between the ages of 3-9.This part of us can get stuffed down if something traumatic happened to you or you weren’t properly nurtured and cared for as a child. It’s important to reclaim and nurture and parent your own inner child so you don’t try and fix this part of you thru your children. There are many healers and therapists out there that specialize in this kind of work.
7-Read self help , healing and spiritual books – Start and end your day reading a few pages . This will set the pace and intention for the day and for your sleep at night . While sleeping our subconscious becomes alive .A hypno therapist once told be that whatever we do an hour before sleeping we take to bed with us. By reading something healing , uplifting or inspiring before bed can help the healing process while we sleep . Notice if there is a sentence or paragraph that FEELS right or RESONATES with you and then find the ways you can apply this to your life.