As a doula, this is a question that seems to come up a lot when I prep a couple for the birth of their child . I always ask – ” Do you want them there ?” It always amazes me how many people answer – No ….. and say they feel bad and guilty . Try and stick to a YES or NO answer , with out over thinking it . stay away from the But …. as everything that follows a no is just an excuse or not your truth. One thing I do to help with this is to have my clients get in their truth about what FEELS right for them and then set a FIRM boundary one that supports their wishes . If one isn’t comfortable or weak with their boundaries they won’t hold up. With a poor boundary, the person you were trying to set the rules with will end up doing what you didn’t want to have happen. I can’t tell you how many mothers and mother in laws can’t stand me (to this day) after I kicked them out of the delivery room when they didn’t respect their children’s wishes .
The birth of your child is going to be one of the most important and exciting days of your life . Anyone that brings drama , causes stress , is unsupportive , judgmental or makes you uncomfortable should not be allowed in the delivery room . This is also not a time to mend a troubled relationship . Remember its your day , you have a right to have your birth experience be what you would like even if it might piss someone off . Trust me they will get over it ( especially when they see their grandchild ) . just remember you can’t please everyone all of the time , sometimes you might make someone upset , let them have their feelings with it and keep standing strong in your truth. This is great practice for being a parent as your child isn’t going to like it all the time when you say no either.
If your mom or mother in law is someone you are close with , that’s nurturing , supportive and loving and you WANT them to be part of this experience then absolutely have them be there . Speak with them before the birth on how they can best support you and what you might need from them . I was just in a birth a few weeks ago where my client had me , her husband and her mother there for support . I was blown away by the amount of love and nurturing she was being showered with . It was so beautiful , this is how it should be .
Both you and your partner need to be on the same page , come to an understanding and support each other with this . I can’t even begin to count how many woman have asked her partner not to call the parents , friends and relatives yet and they do anyway … next thing that happens is they all show up at the hospital , the birthing woman feels bad and lets them in the room when she really doesn’t want them there . 😦
This is you and your partners day , you have a choice and a right about who you want to be part of your baby’s birth .