The tendency to isolate while dealing with infertility

There is a pattern I have witnessed while working with countless women from all walks of life that are having problems with infertility . The one common link they all seem to have is their tendency to isolate and withdraw from people and their life; as time goes on they can even stop doing what gives them joy and passion .Please know that If you relate to this you are not alone. In the past few years  I have spent hours working with clients helping them through this .  When you stop doing the things you love , going places , spending time with people you shut down the flow of life . A question I ask -” Is this the kind of life or energy you would want to bring your child into “? This usually gets their attention and they start to shift their energy .

There is healthy retreating where you go inward to recharge and take some down time to nurture , reflect and just be . But when you begin to shut off and shut down this can create havoc not only in your life but your in body as well …

One of the things I have people do is to write down 10 things that gives them joy , makes them feel good or nurtures them . Examples –

spending time with friends

spending time with my family

having dinner parties ……

Yet many things these women love to do they have stopped … Maybe instead of not doing them you just shift the way , how and with whom you do them with ??? 

 Surround your self with people who you feel good and comfortable around – Who do you feel good around ? who do you feel supported and nurtured by ? Who do you feel comfortable , where you can just be you with them ? – Pick a few people from this list and spend your time with them.

 Know your triggers – I know that pregnant women and new mothers can be a trigger so maybe pull back from some of these this people FOR NOW .. that doesn’t mean cut off that just means spending less time with them for now . Down the road  or when you are feeling up to it you can come back around . Baby showers can also be another trigger for some people. A few years ago I had a client that had me come over and talk her off the ledge and give her a different perspective  before every baby shower she had to go to . With my pregnancy coaching / doula business I get invited to a baby shower almost every weekend and I can’t always go . It’s ok to say NO and skip one or three every once and a while .

Feel it out – You are going to get invited to things , before you commit , take a beat to feel it out . When you think about going there or being with this person how does your body or energy feel ? If you aren’t sure just say can we play it by ear and again check in a little  closer to the time with how you are feeling .

You don’t have to explain – Nobody needs to know why or what is going on with you unless you feel the need to share . I believe the more you talk about something you more you feed it energetically and the bigger a problem you make out of it .

Focus on what is working or something that needs some tending too – When something you are hoping for hasn’t happened yet , instead of putting all your energy into what isn’t  focus on what is working or things in your life that could use some work .

Make your list of 10 or more things that make you feel good , give you joy and nurtures you – start integrating these back into your life.

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