Lets face it there is nothing more frustrating for a guy then seeing someone they love in pain and them not being able to fix it …. Pain comes with labor it is part of the birthing process but you can help by being supportive , nurturing and hold a space for her to feel safe . Here are a few ways you can help .
Educate Yourself – Read books like – “The Birth partner ” , “How to make a pregnant woman happy” or ” The birth book ” also take a childbirth class – The more you know the more prepared you will be .
Ask before labor how you can best serve , what your role is and what you can do to best support – As a man you tend to do well when given a job or something to do .
Be honest with her about your fears – Talk them out with her before birth.
Know the birth plan – You might need to be your partners voice , so it is important you know the plan inside and out to be able to follow thru with her wishes .
Relax and try and keep calm – The calmer you are the calmer and safer mommy will feel . If you are the one holding a space for her to feel safe , freaking out isn’t going to cut it . If you are feeling over whelmed , walk out of the room , take a break , allow yourself to have your feelings , take a few deep breaths , call someone for support and when you feel calm go back in ..
Labor can be long – Take breaks and rest , sleep when she sleeps , bring lots of snacks and drinks.
Don’t take things personally – I have seen the sweetest women in the world turn into crazy people in labor , take NOTHING she says or does personally . She gets a free pass this day, let it go right thru you and move on .
Be Present – Be in the moment , work will get done , people will get called … today your baby is being born and this moment will NEVER happen again .
Respect her wishes – Honor if she doesn’t want you to call people or have them come to the hospital , home or birth center . I can’t tell you how many times my clients ask their partners not to call someone and then 20 min later that person shows up in the birth room . This causes unnecessary stress and drama .
The weeks/ months leading up to the birth study her face and body language – Look for signs when she is stressed , in fear , in pain, angry or sad what does she do ? The more cued into her the better you will be to read her energy and assist to her needs .
Find out what relaxes her – I know rubbing the head , back or feet helps my clients relax . So does certain music , breath work and meditation .
Love her up and encourage her – Every once and a while go over and tell her you love her , How excited you are to meet your baby , how proud of her you are and how amazing she is doing . Hold her hand , rub her head , give her a kiss and lay down with her if she wants .
Don’t try and be a hero – we all have our limits for what we are capable of doing . if you feel like this might be too much for you and you need extra support then be honest with her and talk about bringing in a doula or friend to help you out .